4 – Pulp Fiction (1994)

Tim what ever floats your boat buddy.

Tim what ever floats your boat buddy.

I think Pulp Fiction is one of the most over rated films out there .There are some good scenes and a few bits of dialogue but as a whole,i don’t like it.Even at this early stage in his career Tarantino has a few title cards that aren’t even needed.Why must he spoon feed the audience?Give them a bit of credit for gods sake.For example when Marsellus is introduced he’s talking to Vince or Jules and there’s a title card that shows their names and within about 15 seconds they mention their own names in casual conversation.There’s a few other things that got my goat.Quite a few.Lets see, first , when Vince is having dinner with Mia he asks to try her shake.He then goes to remove her straw.What the fuck was that about?Was he going to remove hers put his in,remove his and pop hers back?Eh, the price of a box of smokes is $1.40 but a gram of heroin in $300?Does that sound right to you?And that’s the cheap heroin too,Vince bought the $500 stuff.Also heroin is off white a more brown colour,sure it comes from opium,it’s not white and i think Mia would have noticed if it wasn’t white.Em what else,Butchs woman is like 13 years old-maybe 10 mentally,oh Butch has a smoke after the fight as the taxi drives ,window fully down beside him and lights a smoke off a match.Bullshit that match would be blown out and his fag would fly out the window and he’d be sucked out into space.The end.

IMDB RATING      –     8.9
MY RATING     –    7.1
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  SNOT FOR ME.NOW I’M PISSED OFF AFTER WATCHING IT.DANNY DE VITO HAS A CREDIT.

89 – Metropolis (1927)

Hello,is that 11811?Yeah can i get the number for Dominos Pizza in Letterkenny?Cheers

Hello,is that 11811?Yeah can i get the number for Dominos Pizza in Letterkenny?Cheers

Fuck i hate Metropolis so bad.I had to watch it in college and my lecturer was rabbiting on about this that and the other,but it’s tribe.This copy I’ve downloaded had some additional text at the beginning stating that the film was constructed from various sources of original negatives and that about a quarter or it had been lost or destroyed.Good.If only three quarters had been destroyed and one remained.If you’re having trouble sleeping then I’d recommend this film.After 7-8 minutes,every time i put this on i fall asleep.Anyone who can sit through this two hour long silent film which doesn’t have an ending needs to get their head examined.The plot can be simple or excessively complex depending on who you ask,but ill give you a run down of it.A hot shot build a big city,the workers live underground,his wife dies birthing his son,a mad scientist make a robot that looks like she was made out of old beer cans and some car parts.The scientist said something that caught my eye “give me 24 hours and no one will be able to tell the difference between a man and a robot man”.Bullshit,what’s he going to do in 24 hours?Put a hat and a trench coat on it?Fuck me it took him over 20 years to build that tin monstrosity ,i don’t think he’ll do much more in 24 hours.But with the use of a few wires and neon lights he manages to put the robot inside of a chick,or put her skin on it.It all doesn’t make sense one bit.Visually there’s some nice large set pieces but that’s all i can say about it.If you fancy having a look at a Metropolis remake I’d go for the 2001 Anime version.The Simon & Garfunkel track near the end in haunting.

IMDB RATING      –     8.2
MY RATING     –    2.5
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  DO YOURSELF A FAVOUR~POKE YOUR EYES OUT BEFORE WATCHING.

128 – Touch of Evil (1958)

If only they'd blow this fucker up at the start of the film and not the other guy.

If only they’d blown this fucker up at the start of the film and not the other guy.

Orson Welles stars in the hot steamy pile of shit.My god this is one terrible film,from the guy who brought us Citizen Kane this is a travesty.The story is a weird one and takes about 25 minutes before you even get into it.Let me give you the gist of what it’s about.A car crossing the border from Mexico to America blows up just across the border(U.S.A) and the cops land in to see what’s the story.Meanwhile a Mexican cop and his new wife are entering the states on their honeymoon.He offers to help.The american cop is as bent as a dogs hind leg and only the Mexican can see this.While he’s helping with the car bomb case and investigating the cop his wife gets into all sorts of trouble with some ‘dope heads’ who drug her,blow “reefer” smoke on her and all other kinds of shit.Then the cops arrest her for drug charges because they can “practically smell the dope on her”.Fucking retarded.And the bad guy is some kind of Gomez Addams looking dude.I wouldn’t place this film on the top 1000.

IMDB RATING      –     8.2
MY RATING     –    4
SEEN BEFORE     –     NO
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  TOUCH OF EVIL?TOUCH OF SHIT MORE LIKE.

150 – Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

pure shit

pure shit

Where do i begin with the monstrosity of a film?Lets me think.Taratino is one selfish director making a film compleatly for himself,i know that sounds a bit weird but listen to this.When you watch  a good film you should be able to make up your own mind and come to your own conclusions but what Tarantino does is spoon feed you so that you have to think what he forces you to think.He does this throughout the film with title screens and a voice over narrative that you shouldn’t even need if you can tell the story with the imagery.And the music,fuck me,the music,i felt like i had accidentily switched over to MTV at various stages in the film.I counted the songs at the credits and it was 31 songs.If you make a good film you shouldn’t have to pepper it with songs to rouse the viewer.One more thing,if you’re going to make a film just make a film,have a plot,good actors and the rest,don’t fill it full of all this unessessary crap like bleeping words out or switching between black and white all the time.Too much added shit like this spoiled this film.And yeah Tarantino we got the Pulp Fiction reference.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –    5.3
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  DON’T BOTHER.

158 – Good Will hunting (1997)

Patch Adams freaks the fuck out

Patch Adams freaks the fuck out

I think Ben Affleck got an Oscar nod for this some 15 years ago.A good portion of these scenes are inprovised.Like Williams monologue about his wife farting.Some good dialogue and some really cringe worthy shit.Have a look and the second last scene;the one with Ben Affleck looking like he’s just about to pass a kidney stone.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     6.6
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  NOT GOOD.

163 – How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

this is the eye candy in the film,this Miley Ray Cyrus looking chick

this is the eye candy in the film,this Miley Ray Cyrus looking chick

Hot To Train Your Dragon is a Dreamworks film.Really good animation.The dragons features look well good.The plot is that a leader of a Viking towns son is a bit nerdy and doesn’t like hunting dragons.In the town the dragons wreck the place and are generally just a big pest.But the nerdy guy finds out that a dragon is like a pet cat or dog that you can train.Except near the end when they turn into a controllable machine like a car or aeroplane,after like 5 minutes of practice.Two of the Jude Apathow lads are in this,Jonah Hill and that barachendalal guy.What ever the fuck his name is.HTTYD is a good animated adventure.It doesn’t go down that route of referencing things that wouldn’t have existed back then.Like genie in Aladdin and all that  shit he would say.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     7.8
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  NOT AS PREDICTABLE AS A LOT OF OTHER KIDS FILMS.

181 – The Bourne Ultimatum (2007)

super spies can track you anywhere but  still this guy has a walkie talkie the size of a bag of patotos

super spies can track you anywhere but still this guy has a walkie talkie the size of a bag of patotos

This the third instalment of the Bourne franchise,third of four so far.It’s a pretty good concept or story,rogue agent trying to clear his name with some great action in between him getting out of the game to him getting back into it.The camera work for of a lot of the start of the film was pretty rubbish.Like it was filmed by a camera man falling down some stairs on a boat .Very fucking shaky.even in shots of people in an office typing it’s all over the place, i was almost getting  motion sickness.The fight scene between Bourne and the Desh guy in Morocco was excellent.I was thinking near the end will he won’t he get away and then i  remembered i seen The  Bourne Legacy in the cinema a few months back,but wait was Matt Damon even in that ? Was it not all Jeremy Renner ? Fuck, maybe he didn’t make it out.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     8.1
SEEN BEFORE     –  YES
RECOMMEND?     –    YES
OVERALL     –  OKAY.PLOT HOLES EVERYWHERE.”KEEP HIM ON THE LINE 30 SECONDS TILL TRACE”BOLLOCKS.