9 – The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King(2003)

Smeagol goes all Prince and adds some symbols to his name.

Smeagol goes all Prince and adds some symbols to his name.

Four hours and ten minutes.Four fucking hours and ten minutes.Let me tell you this;normally when i see a film that runs 3 hours long i get a bit ,eh, apprehensive .Normally i like to have a beer or two when i do these reviews and i think after 4 fucking hours i don’t think i could do it justice.Fuck it I’ll try any-ways.During the film i opened up a Notepad so i could jot down some notes encase i was too drunk to remember.Here we go.Firstly Seagol takes them to this “secret stairs” which is about 5 metres from the main entrance and totally obvious.Second a little thing called a major fucking plot hole-When Seagol had the ring he didn’t age.He grew to be over 500 years old.Yet when Bilbo gave the ring away he aged like fuck.He’s nearly dead by the end.Sure Bilbo had the ring for like 70 years why didn’t Seagol die?Horseshit.Next.Not a plot hole but somewhat disconcerting,King Thedins army have a chant which is  “Death,Death,Death”.Here buddy probably not the best chant going into battle eh?And now I’m going to pick a few things that happened after the battle sequence.First Merry killed at least 6.So he was worth six men.Them Olephants were fucking cool as.Aragons accent was a bit weird throughout the trilogy for words like ‘our’ and ‘your’,they sounded super Irish.Maybe he was shooting two films at once.And lastly the lighting at the end,it’s night it’s day it’s a mega cloud it’s bright as fuck.Bad lighting bro.But i’ll leave it at this;that scene where they all bow to the hobbits ,i got teary.

IMDB RATING      –     8.8
MY RATING     –    8.4
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – THE SFX ARE A LOT BETTER.FEW PLOT BITS I DON’T AGREE WITH BUT I’LL LEAVE.

I've never had two pics to a post but this cracked me up.It's like something an Irish buck would say.

I’ve never had two pics to a post but this cracked me up.It’s like something an Irish buck would say.