8 – Schindler’s List (1993)

If there's tits in a film i'll find them.

If there’s tits in a film I’ll find them.

Schindler’s List is a romantic comedy in which Liam Neeson plays Schindler,a man who loses his memory every night when he falls asleep.He relies on a complex series of notes and lists to function in modern day Miami.Rob Schneider plays the love interest. Actually nothing could be further from the truth.Here we have movie 6 i think that’s about the Holocaust .Schindler is a businessman who runs a pots and pans factory with a Jewish workforce.This is all during world war 2 and as you may or not know the Germans weren’t the Jews biggest fans.So Neeson tries to help them by giving them a job.If you’re a skilled worker then you won’t be shipped off to the camps or Auschwitz. There’s a lot of bribery going on and Neeson spends all his money/valuables in order to try and help them. Ralph Fiennes plays a sadistic Nazi guy in this who takes pleasure in killing Jews for no reason.Bad fucker.When Neeson show s a bit of compassion for the Jews and treats them like humans Fiennes has him taken in for questioning to see if he’s a sympathizer. The movie has quite a lot of people getting killed and the brutality of the Nazi is fucking depressing and keep in mind this is all a true story.I got a bit teary eyed at one point during the film,i had bug spray on my finger and itched my eye.

IMDB RATING      –     8.9
MY RATING     –    8.2
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – VERY DEPRESSING

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27 – Raiders of the Lost Ark (1981)

A little off the top buddy?

A little off the top buddy?

The Indiana Jones original trilogy are classics.I can’t comment on the Crystal Skull one because it was so unmemorable that i can’t remember it.I think it had aliens in it so that scrapped it for me.Harrison Ford is on form for Raiders of The Lost Ark,the looks and expressions,the one liners and all the other comedic bits are delivered with ease and excellent timing.But i guess that’s all down to the writing too.This is the first film in the set,i prefer the one with Sean Conner y as his dad,was that one the Last Crusade?Anyways this one’s about the Nazi,they all seem to be about Nazis,and their quest to get the Ark of The Covenant. This ark contains the ten commandments.The Nazis believe that it’s a phone that you can call up God and have the craic with him.Who knows maybe it is.Indy thinks differently,he saw a picture in a book that shows it as a big spooky ghost that kills people.When it does get opened it’s more like a direct line to Satan not the other guy.Watching the credits i noticed a Micheal Moore as a unit Director or something to that degree,no wait,a quick google reveals it’s not him.

IMDB RATING      –     8.6
MY RATING     –    8.4
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  PERFECT SATURDAY EVENING FILM,FAMILY ENTERTAINMENT.

 

51 – The Pianist (2002)

The Nazi guy is executing some Jews and runs out of bullets,i'd hate to be the next guy waiting to get shot.

The Nazi guy is executing some Jews and runs out of bullets,i’d hate to be the next guy waiting to get shot.

Now here’s a film that gets my goat. I’m not saying it’s a bad film,it’s just when you put a face on an atrocity like genocide it just makes me hate humanity. I mean this was only 70 years ago but the brutality and cold heartedness just sickens me.This film is very close to Life is Beautiful on the list,also about the holocaust,and maybe it’s by watching these two close together that has depressed me a bit.Shit,i bet Schlinders list is till to come too.The Pianist is based on a real person,who died in 2000,who managed to survive some 8-9 years of ducking and diving from the Germans.First he’s put in the ghetto,then he’s getting shipped of to the camps but a friends pulls him from the line,then he’s hiding in an allies house,then moved to another.As Warsaw gets bombed and overrun with Germans he finds himself hiding opposite the Hospital and barracks.He does get into some ropey situations but the main thing that’s going to kill him is starvation.There’s not much piano playing after the first 30 minutes.Near the end when it seems like he’s fucked,a German of all people helps him survive the final weeks of the war.Like the opening shot of Brody playing the piano it ends with him playing us out.Albeit this time to a packed concert hall with a whole symphony behind him.

IMDB RATING      –     8.4
MY RATING     –    7.8
SEEN BEFORE     –     HALF OF IT
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  SOME GOOD CASTING WITH BRODY.HIS BROTHERS CHARACTER WAS A DOUCHE.

68 – The Great Dictator (1940)

Just shaving this womans face here.

Just shaving this womans face here.

The third Chaplin film so far on the list,i think,but the first one with sound.Chaplin looks to be in his 40’s or 50’s in this film but the jokes are still coming quick and  fast.With him being able to vocalize his jokes now there are a a lot more of them and he doesn’t have to mug at the camera for the viewer to get them,he can just add a little dialogue or a quip and leave it at that.The plot if you haven’t already guessed is pretty much a spoof of Hitler and WWI.Names and places have all been changed but everyone knows whoa nd where he’s implying.There’s a good disclaimer at the beginning that states any similarity between the Jewish barber is coincidental,mind you not a disclaimer for the Hitler-esque character but the barber,ha.The best Chaplin film on the list with quite a few bits and pieces reminding me of The Marx brothers or Groucho.Worth a watch,the end monologue where he gives a heartfelt speech to the camera about how dictators will die eventually and with them their regime.I think Chaplin was accused of being a communist after this film came out and he got into a lot of bother and left America for good to get away from it all.

IMDB RATING      –     8.4
MY RATING     –    8
SEEN BEFORE     –     NO
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  FUNNY AND IF YOU LIKED CHAPLINS SILENT FILMS THIS IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT.

96 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

Indy and his dad have a quick three-way.

Indy and his dad have a quick three-way.

Indiana Jones is a hardcore pornographic film focusing on the life and times of a nymphomaniac called Diana Jones.I wish.No,but seriously I’ve probably seen this film about 4 times now and i don’t know if it’s the old age or what,but i don’t remember seeing that bit at the start with River Phoenix in it.I thought i had downloaded the wrong film or something.It’s a flashback to when Indy was a kid and busted some tomb raiders and not the sexy kind.He also doesn’t give a shit about snakes,he even handles about 3 in this short segment.Why’s he got beef with them when he’s older?As the story goes Indys is kidnapped by some Nazis who are looking for the Holy Grail.His dad mailed Indy his diary which has a load of clues for finding it and that’s kind of the incentive for the kidnapping.Get Indy to come and find his dad and bring the book.There’s some great one liners along the way,one of the more notable ones is the “no ticket” after he chucks a guy out of a blimp.There’s a bit of distance between Indy and his dad but as the film progresses they bond and everyone lives happily ever after.I was going to say its one of the better trilogy’s out there but then i remembered about that god awful Crystal Skull re-boot and my heart sunk.

IMDB RATING      –     8.3
MY RATING     –    8.2
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  ACTION,COMEDY AND LOADS OF OTHER STUFF MAKE THIS ONE BANG ON.

106 – Downfall (2004)

Stud

Stud

Downfall is a lot like the film Titanic in a few ways.Firstly both start with an old woman recounting a tale that lasts for about two and a half to three hours.Secondly,a shit load of people are dead by the end of the story.And thirdly,Titanic had a topless scene about half way through,Downfall did not,and that’s what it was lacking;a topless scene to keep the viewer engaged.Downfall isn’t a bad film,i’d never seen it before but from all the Downfall memes i’d seen it felt like i had.It’s a good story and all that and i don’t doubt that most of it is true but then the doubter asks how much is conjecture?Downfall is a good war movie in that it doesn’t show much of the war and the main focus is on the people and how they get through it and how it ultimately affects them.

IMDB RATING      –     8.3
MY RATING     –    7.9
SEEN BEFORE     –     NO
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  NOT BAD.WORTH A WATCH.

113 – Inglourious Basterds (2009)

I wish some had taken the time to shoot me before i started to watch this film.

I wish some had taken the time to shoot me before i started to watch this film.

Tarantino takes a stab at World War II here in Inglourious Basterds.I’ve tried to watch this film some 6 times now and I’ve either fallen asleep or lost interest and turned it off.Even this time i had to watch it in two parts because i fell asleep.Maybe it’s the length because it’d dead boring but either way – not a fan.Tarantino does his usual shit by adding unessessary bits and pieces everywhere.For example the title screens breaking the film into chapters.Why the fuck does he keep doing that?What’s the point of it?He did it in Kill Bill too.I can’t remember if he did in Django or not.Also having the name of one of the SS super imposed on the screen with an arrow pointing at him,retarded.Are you 6 years old?One more bit,when lars meets Soshanna for the second time we have a flash back to the opening scene where she gets away,Tarantino you prick i can remember back 40 minutes ago stop spoon feeding the viewer.Now the story,there’s a plot to kill Hitler.A U.S. team of Nazi killers plans to blow up a cinema.Also a Jew plans to burn the same cinema on the same night.That’s it.The rest is filler.A good 2 hours of filler.There was a plot hole i spotted but i can’t remember it now.

IMDB RATING      –     8.3
MY RATING     –    6.7
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  FASSBENDER AND WALTZ ARE EXCELLENT,BUT TWO GREAT ACTORS COULDN’T SAVE THE FILM FOR ME.