16 – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977)

Here's an ad for MasterCard i spotted.

Here’s an ad for MasterCard i spotted.

I was about 5 minutes in and i had to stop the film to see if i had downloaded the right film.Lucas just throws you into the film,there’s no hanging about,that’s why i thought i had the fifth or sixth in the series.I didn’t. Lucas knows how to write a good story i’ll give him that.It’s got adventure, action, comedy and a few other bits that i thought stood out,maybe for the wrong reasons,like when Luke finds his aunt and uncles and they look like they’re just after climbing out of an oven in Auschwitz. Gruesome. Like all films there’s a few bits and pieces i’ll mention,I’ll start with the good.The special effects:You can see Lucas is trying to go the extra mile and will put in the effort to have set pieces where he can and will have some really nice props,be it costumes/suits/aliens or what ever in lieu of CGI.I noticed a small plot hole,well maybe not a hole,but Ben mentions when they find the scavengers truck in the desert that the holes and blaster damage is definitely from Stormtroopers because it’s so accurate.Accurate my ass,them Stormtroopers couldn’t hit a target 2 metres in from of themselves.In one scene where Han and Cheewie run back there’s 6-7 of them when he turns a corner and not one of the buggers gets a shot close to him.And i’ll finish up with a question.If Darth vader is the last Jedi and is pretty powerful does he know Luke and Leia are his kids?Surely he must,he was there when they were made wasn’t he.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    8.4
RECOMMEND?     –     YES

P.S. The Wilhelm Scream , well done mr Lucas i think i heard it about 5 times.

81 – Star Wars: Episode VI – Return of the Jedi (1983)

This is meant to be some gross alien with 6 boobs,but in reality it's what white trash american women look like.

This is meant to be some gross alien with 6 boobs,but in reality it’s what white trash american women look like.

I haven’t seen Star Wars since i was a kid so i didn’t know what really happened in the 2 films before this.The thing i like about George Lucas is he’s goes a bit mad with the transitions and wipes between scenes.Most films will have a simple dissolve or fade to black but Lucas has dozens of differnt ones.Return of The Jedi has some great costumes and props,there’s a lot to be said for taking the time and effort and making a full body suit of an alien than just popping one in in post production like that atrocious Jar-Jar Binks.For some reason i thought there was  aspin off movie called The Battle For Endor,was there?It rings a bell,i thought i had it on VHS as a kid,but in all reality it was probably Return of The Jedi and the furry midgets were the only thing i remembered.The plots okay,but is it not the same as the last film?,there was a couple  of bits that had me asking questions.Like when Darth Vader throws the emporer down the hole could he not use the force and land safely or something?Luke levitated C3PO for about a minute earlier and it was no sweat.

IMDB RATING      –     8.2
MY RATING     –    8.1
RECOMMEND?     –     YES

96 – Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989)

Indy and his dad have a quick three-way.

Indy and his dad have a quick three-way.

Indiana Jones is a hardcore pornographic film focusing on the life and times of a nymphomaniac called Diana Jones.I wish.No,but seriously I’ve probably seen this film about 4 times now and i don’t know if it’s the old age or what,but i don’t remember seeing that bit at the start with River Phoenix in it.I thought i had downloaded the wrong film or something.It’s a flashback to when Indy was a kid and busted some tomb raiders and not the sexy kind.He also doesn’t give a shit about snakes,he even handles about 3 in this short segment.Why’s he got beef with them when he’s older?As the story goes Indys is kidnapped by some Nazis who are looking for the Holy Grail.His dad mailed Indy his diary which has a load of clues for finding it and that’s kind of the incentive for the kidnapping.Get Indy to come and find his dad and bring the book.There’s some great one liners along the way,one of the more notable ones is the “no ticket” after he chucks a guy out of a blimp.There’s a bit of distance between Indy and his dad but as the film progresses they bond and everyone lives happily ever after.I was going to say its one of the better trilogy’s out there but then i remembered about that god awful Crystal Skull re-boot and my heart sunk.

IMDB RATING      –     8.3
MY RATING     –    8.2
RECOMMEND?     –     YES