8 – Schindler’s List (1993)

If there's tits in a film i'll find them.

If there’s tits in a film I’ll find them.

Schindler’s List is a romantic comedy in which Liam Neeson plays Schindler,a man who loses his memory every night when he falls asleep.He relies on a complex series of notes and lists to function in modern day Miami.Rob Schneider plays the love interest. Actually nothing could be further from the truth.Here we have movie 6 i think that’s about the Holocaust .Schindler is a businessman who runs a pots and pans factory with a Jewish workforce.This is all during world war 2 and as you may or not know the Germans weren’t the Jews biggest fans.So Neeson tries to help them by giving them a job.If you’re a skilled worker then you won’t be shipped off to the camps or Auschwitz. There’s a lot of bribery going on and Neeson spends all his money/valuables in order to try and help them. Ralph Fiennes plays a sadistic Nazi guy in this who takes pleasure in killing Jews for no reason.Bad fucker.When Neeson show s a bit of compassion for the Jews and treats them like humans Fiennes has him taken in for questioning to see if he’s a sympathizer. The movie has quite a lot of people getting killed and the brutality of the Nazi is fucking depressing and keep in mind this is all a true story.I got a bit teary eyed at one point during the film,i had bug spray on my finger and itched my eye.

IMDB RATING      –     8.9
MY RATING     –    8.2
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – VERY DEPRESSING

13 – The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring(2001)

Merry draws the short straw and gets the carrot in the arse.

Merry draws the short straw and gets the carrot in the arse.

Part one of the trilogy here,I’m just after looking up the list and i see the last part is a couple of films away.Shit,it would have been nice to watch them in order.Another 3 and a half hour epic here.I’d love to find out how many extras Jackson had for this one,or even for any of the films because there always seems to be a load of orc or urkhi knocking about.In this one Jackson introduces us to all the characters in a light and comedic way.But as the story progresses we get a lot of homoerotic looks between hobbits. It takes away form the film at times.Then there is Frodo who seems to blow his load every-time he either pops the ring on or gets stabbed.The film starts out in the Shire with Ian Holm playing a 111 year old Bilbo Baggins getting ready to retire and bugger off and die,he wills everything to Frodo including the ring.Gandalf finds out what the ring is and then the story is off.In the first hour i was questioning the whole idea that you can make a ring and it gives you power.Also when Sauran puts the ring on,over a big metal glove which has a bigger diameter than the ring,he gets super strong,yet when someone else puts it on they turn invisible. What good is it then?Okay so your invisible but what if i build a bomb and throw it in your general direction?I had a laugh out loud bit when Gimli the dwarf,who hates elves,asks for a hair of Cate Blanchetts head and then he says “she gave me three”.Retarded.Also in this he said “nobody tosses a dwarf” and in the third film Aragon tosses him off.Gross.Now for a few good/bad points-the underwater sequences that are obviously no shot under water=bad.That scene where Galadriel,the elf queen,turns into the dark queen is amazing=good.

IMDB RATING      –     8.8
MY RATING     –    8.3
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – SAME AS THE REST.VERY GOOD.FEW TEARY MOMENTS.LIKE GANDALF AND BOROMIR KICKING IT.

14 – Inception (2010)

Osama Bin Laden would have loved Cobbs reality.

Osama Bin Laden would have loved Cobbs reality.

Inception.Fuck yeah.Now that’s a film.The first time i watched this was with my brother,Alex,and his wife.Just as the credits started rolling he stood up and said “What a fucking load of shit” or something to that effect and left the room.It is a bit of a tricky one to take all in with a first viewing.Even now with this being about the 3rd or 4th time watching it i found it to be mesmerizing and amazing.Chris Nolan hats off to you.I’ll try to describe the plot but probably won’t do it justice enough.Inception is a sci-fi film where it’s possible to enters a persons mind while they are dreaming to steal valuable information,however you can also plant an idea,inception, but this is really tricky. Di Capaccino as Cobb is tasked with planting an idea in the head of the heir to an energy super company thing. Kato,the guy who wants to break up the company,hires Cobb and promises him he’ll expunge his criminal record in the U.S. so he can fly home and see his kids.Cobb gets a team together and everything goes off like a dream,within a dream,within a dream within a dream.Or does it?The visuals are excellent,the cast are damn near perfect,bar Michael Caine who i wouldn’t have bothered with.I just read some of the trivia from IMDB and Brad Pitt was almost the lead,would it have made a difference?I’m not sure.Also Nolans second original script,the rest being franchises or remakes.Fuck,lets get another together mate.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    9.3
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  DEFO ONE OF MY TOP 5 FILMS.

15 – Goodfellas (1990)

What do you say to a crazy woman is pointing a loaded gun in your face?Whatever the fuck she wants to hear.

What do you say to a crazy woman pointing a loaded gun in your face?Whatever the fuck she wants to hear.

It says in the beginning,after a really really ugly bunch of title credits,that the film is based on a true story and for anyone who has ever watched Banged Up Abroad there is an episode that is nearly a scene by scene remake of this film.The real guy is narrating it too. Goodfellas is a descent gangster/Mafia film.As per-usual we have the regular actors like  DeNiro,Liotta,Pesci and a few other regular faces you might recognise from The Sopranos.The film is the life story of a kid who gets in with the wise guys in his neighbourhood,starts doing small jobs for them and gradually makes his way to the big time.He gets in deep with drugs after a stint inside and that’s his downfall.Well really it’s some of the women who fuck shit up for him too.Martin Scorsese directed this and had a fine cast to work with.There’s something about Ray Liottas laugh that i find funny,i was trying to find a clip of him on YouTube where he hits a toad with a golf club and there’s a half minute montage of all his laughs from Goodfellas. I noticed Samuel L.Jackson had a part in this film too.One shot,from the moment we see him until he gets killed.A whopping 46 seconds.Is there any role he won’t turn down?

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    8.5
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  GOOD BUT SOME VERY GRAPHIC/BLOODY SCENES.

 

sam l 46 seconds

16 – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977)

Here's an ad for MasterCard i spotted.

Here’s an ad for MasterCard i spotted.

I was about 5 minutes in and i had to stop the film to see if i had downloaded the right film.Lucas just throws you into the film,there’s no hanging about,that’s why i thought i had the fifth or sixth in the series.I didn’t. Lucas knows how to write a good story i’ll give him that.It’s got adventure, action, comedy and a few other bits that i thought stood out,maybe for the wrong reasons,like when Luke finds his aunt and uncles and they look like they’re just after climbing out of an oven in Auschwitz. Gruesome. Like all films there’s a few bits and pieces i’ll mention,I’ll start with the good.The special effects:You can see Lucas is trying to go the extra mile and will put in the effort to have set pieces where he can and will have some really nice props,be it costumes/suits/aliens or what ever in lieu of CGI.I noticed a small plot hole,well maybe not a hole,but Ben mentions when they find the scavengers truck in the desert that the holes and blaster damage is definitely from Stormtroopers because it’s so accurate.Accurate my ass,them Stormtroopers couldn’t hit a target 2 metres in from of themselves.In one scene where Han and Cheewie run back there’s 6-7 of them when he turns a corner and not one of the buggers gets a shot close to him.And i’ll finish up with a question.If Darth vader is the last Jedi and is pretty powerful does he know Luke and Leia are his kids?Surely he must,he was there when they were made wasn’t he.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    8.4
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  GREAT.A FEW SCENES WHERE LUCAS HAS ‘RE-USED’ FOR INDIANA JONES.

P.S. The Wilhelm Scream , well done mr Lucas i think i heard it about 5 times.

17 – Seven Samurai (1954)

I'm not sure why this samurai went to battle with his bare ass out.

I’m not sure why this samurai went to battle with his bare ass out.

Here’s an old one,1954,you wouldn’t think it from the dialogue.There’s some good insults in it that are still used frequently these days.The wipes are pretty good from scene to scene,they look quite animated.In 50’s films they all have a dissolve but in this it’s all Left-to-right fade thing.The earliest ones I’ve ever seen.The plot sees a crap village that regularly gets ambushed by bandits,hard asses,and they decide to hire some Samurai’s to kill the buggers.They rationalize that they need 5 so they get 7,and some are pretty shite.The Samurai train the farmers to fight,build fences and moats and instill a team spirit in them.As the farmers finish harvest they get ready for a big battle.Some the Samurai seem pretty Calais when they’re picking them off and counting numbers.I didn’t like this film,man was it a hard watch,i kept getting sleepy or bored and had to pause it.It’s not for me then.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    6.7
SEEN BEFORE     –     NO
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –  WAY TOO LONG.

18 – The Matrix (1999)

After Neo learns Jujitsu he learns some other needed fighting styles,drunken being one of them.

After Neo learns Jujitsu he learns some other needed fighting styles,drunken being one of them.

Here we have a pretty wicked Anime called Ghost in The Shell,wait i meant a live action film called The Matrix.The Matrix is a highly original film apart from all the bits they ripped off scene for scene from the Anime that they had to get legally cleared to use in the film.Besides that it’s okay.I for one am not a fan.It centrals around a guy called Neo who meets a black dude who’s some sort of drug dealer. Well at least it’s realistic. I’m not sure if this films stands the test of time.There were loads of bits that either seemed very camp or just didn’t feel right.I’ll try and not go into a rant here but,plot holes,the whole concept of machines growing humans to generate electricity is a pile of dung.For one surely it would take a shit load of electricity to keep this humans plugged into this big fake world and then there’s the actual fact that humans consume energy and not generate it.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    7.7
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  MEH,MOSS IS A BIT DEPRESSING LOOKING.THE SOUND LEVELS WERE ALL OVER THE PLACE TOO.