1 – The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

Gene Kelly escapes from prison

Gene Kelly escapes from prison

And finally….   yes i finally made it to film number 1.Yee haa.And it’s the 1994 classic – The Shawshank Redemption. Based on a Stephen King short story from 1982.Couple of good performances from Robbins and Freeman.Shawshank is about a guy called Andy Dufresne who is falsely given two 30 year life sentences when his wife and lover are found dead.But ii gets worse,on the inside there’s a gang of dudes intent on raping him or beating the shite out of him.Andy was a big shot banker and so does the taxes for all the guards working there.The next time the lads bust Andy the guards fuck him up.Sorted.Freeman narrates and his slow soothing voice is pleasing to the ear.There are a few weepy bits there , like when Brooks gets out or when it seems like Andy’s at the end of his rope.The film spans over about 20 years with not one character ageing much.I don’t think after watching it again just now i’d give the highest rating but definitely worth a look.

IMDB RATING      –     9.2
MY RATING     –    8.9
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  UNDERDOG TRIUMPHS.PEOPLE LOVE ESCAPE MOVIES.

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7 – The Dark Knight (2008)

Eminem is The Joker?

Eminem is The Joker?

Dark Knight?Dark shite more like.Nah,that’s a bit harsh innit?I’m not sure why but i don’t like this film.Maybe it was all the hype surrounding it what with The Ledge dying pretty soon after filming.I liked the one before this and the one after it but this one i thought was just a bit average.Nothing spectacular.The plot for the Dark Knight; we’re introduced to a new madman,The Joker, and a new good guy in Harvey Dent.Dent is the new district attorney and seems like he’s got the guts to tackle the mobsters and shut down organised crime.The Joker,as mad as he looks,is running about setting up games and planting hundreds or barrels of petrol and bombs everywhere.I don’t know where he gets the time.Busy guy.The Joker gets Batman by the balls,metaphorically,and blackmails him into showing his face.He starts killing off civilians so then Gotham hates him.There’s also a change or actress in this if nobody noticed,Katie Holmes was booted off and the door looking Maggie Glynenenenenenthall takes her spot.Her performance is pretty poor in my opinion.At the end the film just ends.That’s it.No inclination of what to expect in the next instalment,this kind of left me on a bum note.

IMDB RATING      –     8.9
MY RATING     –    7.1
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     – MEH

9 – The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King(2003)

Smeagol goes all Prince and adds some symbols to his name.

Smeagol goes all Prince and adds some symbols to his name.

Four hours and ten minutes.Four fucking hours and ten minutes.Let me tell you this;normally when i see a film that runs 3 hours long i get a bit ,eh, apprehensive .Normally i like to have a beer or two when i do these reviews and i think after 4 fucking hours i don’t think i could do it justice.Fuck it I’ll try any-ways.During the film i opened up a Notepad so i could jot down some notes encase i was too drunk to remember.Here we go.Firstly Seagol takes them to this “secret stairs” which is about 5 metres from the main entrance and totally obvious.Second a little thing called a major fucking plot hole-When Seagol had the ring he didn’t age.He grew to be over 500 years old.Yet when Bilbo gave the ring away he aged like fuck.He’s nearly dead by the end.Sure Bilbo had the ring for like 70 years why didn’t Seagol die?Horseshit.Next.Not a plot hole but somewhat disconcerting,King Thedins army have a chant which is  “Death,Death,Death”.Here buddy probably not the best chant going into battle eh?And now I’m going to pick a few things that happened after the battle sequence.First Merry killed at least 6.So he was worth six men.Them Olephants were fucking cool as.Aragons accent was a bit weird throughout the trilogy for words like ‘our’ and ‘your’,they sounded super Irish.Maybe he was shooting two films at once.And lastly the lighting at the end,it’s night it’s day it’s a mega cloud it’s bright as fuck.Bad lighting bro.But i’ll leave it at this;that scene where they all bow to the hobbits ,i got teary.

IMDB RATING      –     8.8
MY RATING     –    8.4
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – THE SFX ARE A LOT BETTER.FEW PLOT BITS I DON’T AGREE WITH BUT I’LL LEAVE.

I've never had two pics to a post but this cracked me up.It's like something an Irish buck would say.

I’ve never had two pics to a post but this cracked me up.It’s like something an Irish buck would say.

10 – Fight Club (1999)

I was caught in 2 minds of what to have as the image.It was either the naked body double who plays Marla during the sex scene or the spliced in cock at the end.

I was caught in 2 minds of what to have as the image.It was either the naked body double who plays Marla during the sex scene or the spliced in cock at the end.

I enjoyed Fight Club when it first came out.It’s an original film and it’s hard to get them nowadays,everything seems to be a franchise or a re-boot.I can’t believe it came out 14 years ago,that’s fucking mad,half my life ago.Fight Clubs a movie adaptation of a book of the same name.Guy who wrote this also wrote Choke which was made for movie soon after this,i guess riding on the coat tails of the success of this.I read one of the dudes book and all the same stuff from Fight Clubs in it,he even uses the ‘i am Jacks…’ thing in it verbatim. Maybe he’s a lazy writer.Anyway back to the film.I’d love to go back to the first time i seen again because after you know the twist the re-watch value drops significantly. Yeah you’ll watch it again but your not going to be looking front and centre you’re going to be looking for all the bits you missed,and there are a ton of them.That’s why we have pause and frame by frame on dvd players.I was reading that they were going to cast Tom Hanks as Tyler and Morgan Freeman as the leads but they pulled out at the last moment due to filming constraints.Carter,man how i loathe that actress,i don’t know who I’d cast instead but not her any ways. I was an hour into the film and i was trying to remember Nortons characters name,wracking my brains,credits roll and he didn’t have a name.Here’s another thing i noticed,that a song by Papa Roach called ‘Between Angels and Insects’ was 3 or 4 lines that are directly quoted from this film.I did some research and the song was recorded in 1999 and released in 2001.I wonder if they paid to clear it?

IMDB RATING      –     8.8
MY RATING     –    8.4
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – LOOKS GOOD.CGI IS DESCENT LOOKING FOR 1999.

P.S. The audio levels were crazy on this,during every fight scene i had to half the volume,just a warning if you’re going to be wearing earphones.

13 – The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring(2001)

Merry draws the short straw and gets the carrot in the arse.

Merry draws the short straw and gets the carrot in the arse.

Part one of the trilogy here,I’m just after looking up the list and i see the last part is a couple of films away.Shit,it would have been nice to watch them in order.Another 3 and a half hour epic here.I’d love to find out how many extras Jackson had for this one,or even for any of the films because there always seems to be a load of orc or urkhi knocking about.In this one Jackson introduces us to all the characters in a light and comedic way.But as the story progresses we get a lot of homoerotic looks between hobbits. It takes away form the film at times.Then there is Frodo who seems to blow his load every-time he either pops the ring on or gets stabbed.The film starts out in the Shire with Ian Holm playing a 111 year old Bilbo Baggins getting ready to retire and bugger off and die,he wills everything to Frodo including the ring.Gandalf finds out what the ring is and then the story is off.In the first hour i was questioning the whole idea that you can make a ring and it gives you power.Also when Sauran puts the ring on,over a big metal glove which has a bigger diameter than the ring,he gets super strong,yet when someone else puts it on they turn invisible. What good is it then?Okay so your invisible but what if i build a bomb and throw it in your general direction?I had a laugh out loud bit when Gimli the dwarf,who hates elves,asks for a hair of Cate Blanchetts head and then he says “she gave me three”.Retarded.Also in this he said “nobody tosses a dwarf” and in the third film Aragon tosses him off.Gross.Now for a few good/bad points-the underwater sequences that are obviously no shot under water=bad.That scene where Galadriel,the elf queen,turns into the dark queen is amazing=good.

IMDB RATING      –     8.8
MY RATING     –    8.3
SEEN BEFORE     –    YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     – SAME AS THE REST.VERY GOOD.FEW TEARY MOMENTS.LIKE GANDALF AND BOROMIR KICKING IT.

14 – Inception (2010)

Osama Bin Laden would have loved Cobbs reality.

Osama Bin Laden would have loved Cobbs reality.

Inception.Fuck yeah.Now that’s a film.The first time i watched this was with my brother,Alex,and his wife.Just as the credits started rolling he stood up and said “What a fucking load of shit” or something to that effect and left the room.It is a bit of a tricky one to take all in with a first viewing.Even now with this being about the 3rd or 4th time watching it i found it to be mesmerizing and amazing.Chris Nolan hats off to you.I’ll try to describe the plot but probably won’t do it justice enough.Inception is a sci-fi film where it’s possible to enters a persons mind while they are dreaming to steal valuable information,however you can also plant an idea,inception, but this is really tricky. Di Capaccino as Cobb is tasked with planting an idea in the head of the heir to an energy super company thing. Kato,the guy who wants to break up the company,hires Cobb and promises him he’ll expunge his criminal record in the U.S. so he can fly home and see his kids.Cobb gets a team together and everything goes off like a dream,within a dream,within a dream within a dream.Or does it?The visuals are excellent,the cast are damn near perfect,bar Michael Caine who i wouldn’t have bothered with.I just read some of the trivia from IMDB and Brad Pitt was almost the lead,would it have made a difference?I’m not sure.Also Nolans second original script,the rest being franchises or remakes.Fuck,lets get another together mate.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    9.3
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  DEFO ONE OF MY TOP 5 FILMS.

16 – Star Wars: Episode IV – A New Hope (1977)

Here's an ad for MasterCard i spotted.

Here’s an ad for MasterCard i spotted.

I was about 5 minutes in and i had to stop the film to see if i had downloaded the right film.Lucas just throws you into the film,there’s no hanging about,that’s why i thought i had the fifth or sixth in the series.I didn’t. Lucas knows how to write a good story i’ll give him that.It’s got adventure, action, comedy and a few other bits that i thought stood out,maybe for the wrong reasons,like when Luke finds his aunt and uncles and they look like they’re just after climbing out of an oven in Auschwitz. Gruesome. Like all films there’s a few bits and pieces i’ll mention,I’ll start with the good.The special effects:You can see Lucas is trying to go the extra mile and will put in the effort to have set pieces where he can and will have some really nice props,be it costumes/suits/aliens or what ever in lieu of CGI.I noticed a small plot hole,well maybe not a hole,but Ben mentions when they find the scavengers truck in the desert that the holes and blaster damage is definitely from Stormtroopers because it’s so accurate.Accurate my ass,them Stormtroopers couldn’t hit a target 2 metres in from of themselves.In one scene where Han and Cheewie run back there’s 6-7 of them when he turns a corner and not one of the buggers gets a shot close to him.And i’ll finish up with a question.If Darth vader is the last Jedi and is pretty powerful does he know Luke and Leia are his kids?Surely he must,he was there when they were made wasn’t he.

IMDB RATING      –     8.7
MY RATING     –    8.4
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  GREAT.A FEW SCENES WHERE LUCAS HAS ‘RE-USED’ FOR INDIANA JONES.

P.S. The Wilhelm Scream , well done mr Lucas i think i heard it about 5 times.