150 – Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

pure shit

pure shit

Where do i begin with the monstrosity of a film?Lets me think.Taratino is one selfish director making a film compleatly for himself,i know that sounds a bit weird but listen to this.When you watch  a good film you should be able to make up your own mind and come to your own conclusions but what Tarantino does is spoon feed you so that you have to think what he forces you to think.He does this throughout the film with title screens and a voice over narrative that you shouldn’t even need if you can tell the story with the imagery.And the music,fuck me,the music,i felt like i had accidentily switched over to MTV at various stages in the film.I counted the songs at the credits and it was 31 songs.If you make a good film you shouldn’t have to pepper it with songs to rouse the viewer.One more thing,if you’re going to make a film just make a film,have a plot,good actors and the rest,don’t fill it full of all this unessessary crap like bleeping words out or switching between black and white all the time.Too much added shit like this spoiled this film.And yeah Tarantino we got the Pulp Fiction reference.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –    5.3
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  DON’T BOTHER.

161 – Finding Nemo (2003)

good monthy python reference

good monthy python reference

Finding Nemo is a cartoon about single parent familys.Where the fuck is Nemos mom?She died in the first scene?Walt Disney and your killing off of strong maternal figures in films.Bambi shit.This is one dark film.The scene with the sharks is fucking hilarious.It took me about 30 minutes to realize this is Australian film.Set in Sydney.Then i got thinking why the fuck does Nemos dad have an American accent?Then i thought about the whole absurnity of speaking fish and left it at that.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     8
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  A GOOD FILM.ONE FOR THE ADULTS.

163 – How to Train Your Dragon (2010)

this is the eye candy in the film,this Miley Ray Cyrus looking chick

this is the eye candy in the film,this Miley Ray Cyrus looking chick

Hot To Train Your Dragon is a Dreamworks film.Really good animation.The dragons features look well good.The plot is that a leader of a Viking towns son is a bit nerdy and doesn’t like hunting dragons.In the town the dragons wreck the place and are generally just a big pest.But the nerdy guy finds out that a dragon is like a pet cat or dog that you can train.Except near the end when they turn into a controllable machine like a car or aeroplane,after like 5 minutes of practice.Two of the Jude Apathow lads are in this,Jonah Hill and that barachendalal guy.What ever the fuck his name is.HTTYD is a good animated adventure.It doesn’t go down that route of referencing things that wouldn’t have existed back then.Like genie in Aladdin and all that  shit he would say.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     7.8
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  NOT AS PREDICTABLE AS A LOT OF OTHER KIDS FILMS.

164 – My Neighbor Totoro (1988)

i found this whole bath scene a bit weird

i found this whole bath scene a bit weird

My Neighbor Totoro is about a family who move to a new house in the woods. Totoro means troll in Japanese.But this troll can show himself to people that he wants to,otherwise he’s invisible. This is a good studio Ghibli so you know it’s going to have that aesthetic beauty to it.There are a few plot bits missing in the story. Throughout the film the family are visiting there mother in the hospital but we never find out what it is.It’s implied she’s been there for ages too.Great music in the film,sounds like an old snes game or something.Dakota fanning did some voice work on this.She was born 1994 and this film came out 1988…             I guess this film maybe had a later release date for an English dub.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     8
SEEN BEFORE     –     NO
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  GOOD.A CLASSIC KIDS FILM.SOME INTERESTING CHARACTERS.I.E THE CAT BUS

182 – Mary And Max (2009)

you fat fucks

you fat fucks

Here’s a feature length stop motion film.This one is surprisingly high up the list as I’ve never heard of it and it’s fairly recent but all the more credit to it.The film centres around two people, one a young girl living in Australia and the other a forty-something year old man living in New York, and there relationship which is struck up via a random penpal letter.It’s a realistic story and wouldn’t surprise me if it was part based on fact but there is some great comedic parts peppered in and the animation seems pretty descent too.It paints a realistic picture of the working class and can be pretty sad in parts but that’s life.

IMDB RATING      –     8.1
MY RATING     –     7.8
SEEN BEFORE     –   NO
RECOMMEND?     –    NO
OVERALL     –  NOT BAD.

189 – Howls Moving Castle (2005)

i've definitely seen this woman knocking about Roonies after a few vodkas and coke

i’ve definitely seen this woman knocking about Roonies after a few vodkas and coke

Here’s an anime from Ghibli Studios.I think it’s a steampunk film.The film’s not meant to be set in any specific time,not past or future,but in an alternative present where mechanics haven’t evolved past the steam engine.The film is about good and bad witches and wizards and spells cast by both.One of the best aspects of anime is you can get some really bizarre and unique stories.Western animation seems to stick to a set of strict plot guidelines,but Asian stuff can be really out-there.I did notice after a wee bit that Christian Bale was voicing the main guy and all i could think was Batman with that forced husky voice.Maybe the subtitled version would be better.The subs would be more accurate;they change the dialogue to sync with the lips which were animated originally for the Japanese script.

IMDB RATING      –     8
MY RATING     –     8.3
SEEN BEFORE     –     HALF OF IT
RECOMMEND?     –     YES
OVERALL     –  WICKED.GHIBLI DOES GREAT ANIMATION.

211 – Ratatouille (2007)

This thumb was up my ass

This thumb was up my ass

A rat controls a guy by pulling his hair.Making him do all manner of things like cooking food and stuff.The animation is pretty good,miles ahead of Monsters Inc but i just didn’t find it funny.Not enough jokes.

IMDB RATING      –     8
MY RATING     –     5.6
SEEN BEFORE     –    NO
RECOMMEND?     –    NO
OVERALL     –  DON’T BOTHER.

219 – Monsters Inc (2001)

shaved

shaved

Monsters Inc is about the trials and tribulations of members of the band Mettalica.Well not really.It’s about a world where monsters exist and supply their world with power gathered from the screams of children.Their job would have been pretty easy is they just hung around catholic churches after hours.The monsters are themselves afraid of the kids and think they’ll be contaminated and die if a kid touches them.Half way through the film they discover that a kids laughter produces 10 times more energy.Original story,early CGI and i shows.Everything is smooth,no texture.

IMDB RATING      –     8
MY RATING     –     5.6
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –    NO
OVERALL     –  GOOD FOR VERY YOUNG KIDS.BOOS BABY SPEAK IS VERY ANNOYING.

223 – Beauty and The Beast (1991)

Pedobear sneaks a peek.

Pedobear sneaks a peek.

This one’s about bestiality and one girls quest to defy convention by having sex with a half wolf half lion type creature.All the while every fucking thing in the house is alive and watching you,i can’t imagine what it’d be like trying to take a dump in the place.And one more thing the candle is alive but what happens when the wax burns out?Does he die?

IMDB RATING      –     8
MY RATING     –     5.8
SEEN BEFORE     –     YES
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –     TOO MUCH SINGING.

225 – Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind (1984)

We all know where this is going.....

We all know where this is going…..

Another anime,i can honestly say i didn’t expect to see more than 1 on the list but this just goes to show that i don’t know shit.This ones is set 1000 years after the world is fucked.The bugs are huge and gang up to kill you.The air is full of toxic spores that’ll kill you.The land is buggered and the lakes are full of acid and not the good kind either.In the films there’s 3 rival groups,2 of them are assholes and 1  is a kind docile group.There’s a big ‘toxic forest’ that 1 group want to destroy thus killing all the bugs but the sound group is all against it.In the end up the message is: don’t stand on bugs and go plant a tree.

IMDB RATING      –     8
MY RATING     –     6.6
SEEN BEFORE     –     NO
RECOMMEND?     –     NO
OVERALL     –     GOOD.SOME LAZY ANIMATION IN BITS.

P.S. Patrick Stewart voices a character and sounds a bit sleazy sometimes ala Extras and i thought i heard Bruce Willis in there but can’t seem to find him in the credits.